Author: Joy Plote
-
Coda: A Unique Experience and Culture of Its Own
The experience of Children of Deaf Adults (Coda) is often misunderstood or dismissed, both by the Deaf community and the hearing world. While they are frequently labeled as “hearing,” Codas experience a cultural and emotional reality that is deeply shaped by their unique upbringing in a bicultural, bilingual environment. This complex identity, formed between Deaf…
-
Cognitive Distortions and Trauma: When Your Brain Lies to Protect You
You’re Not Broken—You’re Wired for Survival If you’ve lived through trauma, you’ve probably found yourself wondering, “Why do I always think the worst?”, “Why can’t I believe good things about myself?”, or “Why do I blame myself for everything?” The answer often lies in something called cognitive distortions—automatic, distorted ways of thinking that helped you…
-
Why Written English Isn’t Enough: Language Equity for Deaf ASL Users
By Joy Plote, LPC, CI/CT Imagine being handed a contract in your second language, one that you were never given full access to as a child. Imagine being expected to read it, understand it, and sign it—without ever being offered the chance to have it explained in your native language. For many Deaf individuals who…
-
Embracing Growth: Focusing on What You Gained, Not What You Lost
In life, we all face adversity in one form or another—whether it’s a personal loss, a career setback, or a challenging relationship. During tough times, it’s easy to become fixated on what we’ve lost: a job, a loved one, a dream, or even our sense of self. But what if we chose to focus on…
-
Healing from Gaslighting: Key Steps for Recovery
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator seeks to make the victim doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity. Whether experienced in personal relationships, at work, or within the family, it can leave deep emotional scars. Healing from gaslighting is essential to reclaim your sense of self and regain control over your life.…
-
When Exploding Feels Like the Only Way to Be Heard: Reactive Abuse and Deaf Experiences
By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between Most people think abuse looks like yelling, hitting, or cruel words. But what happens when someone stays quiet for years… until one day, they finally explode? In the Deaf community, that explosion is often misunderstood. What if the person being labeled as “abusive” is actually reacting…
-
Taking the Wheel: Understanding Locus of Control in Healing and Growth
What do you believe drives the course of your life? Is it your effort and decisions — or is it luck, fate, or what others do to you? This belief is called locus of control, and it has a powerful impact on how we heal, grow, and show up in the world. So, what is…
-
What is a Trauma Bond?
Trauma bonding refers to the intense emotional connection that develops between an individual and someone who is abusive, exploitative, or manipulative. These bonds are often created and reinforced through cycles of abuse, where moments of harm are interspersed with periods of kindness, affection, or remorse. This pattern creates confusion and a deep attachment to the…
-
A Seat at the Table: Why Codas Must Speak Out on Deaf Education and Intergenerational Trauma
Intergenerational trauma does not exist in isolation—it is deeply rooted in the choices, struggles, and dynamics passed down through families. For Codas (Children of Deaf Adults), the legacy of educational and linguistic decisions made by our hearing grandparents has profoundly shaped our lives. Yet, our experiences are often dismissed or undervalued in conversations about Deaf…
-
The Power of Trauma-Informed Friendships: What They Are and How to Foster Them
In a world where trauma impacts many lives, friendships can serve as a profound source of healing and support. But not all friendships are the same, and for those navigating the complexities of trauma, trauma-informed friendships stand out as a beacon of understanding and safety. These connections go beyond surface-level interactions, fostering empathy, trust, and…
the Coda Counselor 