the Coda Counselor

The Power of Assertive Rights: Learning to Speak Up Without Losing Connection

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by

Joy Plote
in

“You have the right to exist and take up space in the world.”
That sentence alone has changed lives.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), assertiveness isn’t about being loud or demanding—it’s about balance. It’s learning to honor your truth without harming someone else’s. For many of us raised in families or systems where speaking up felt unsafe, learning to assert our needs can feel unfamiliar. But assertiveness is not aggression—it’s self-respect in action.

What Are Assertive Rights?

Assertive rights are the basic human rights that remind us we are allowed to express ourselves—our needs, feelings, opinions, and limits—without guilt or apology.
They form the foundation of healthy boundaries, self-respect, and interpersonal effectiveness.

When you honor your assertive rights, you step out of survival mode and into authenticity.
You stop people-pleasing and start self-advocating.

Examples of Assertive Rights

Some of the most powerful rights we explore in DBT groups include:

  • You have the right to say no without feeling guilty.
  • You have the right to ask for what you need.
  • You have the right to make mistakes and learn from them.
  • You have the right to change your mind.
  • You have the right to not take responsibility for other people’s emotions.
  • You have the right to walk away from toxic situations.
  • You have the right to exist and take up space in this world.

These rights sound simple—but for trauma survivors, interpreters, caregivers, or children of Deaf adults, they can feel revolutionary. Many of us grew up believing our worth depended on being helpful, quiet, or self-sacrificing. DBT teaches that your voice matters too.

Why Assertive Rights Matter

When you forget your assertive rights, you might notice:

  • Saying “yes” when you mean “no.”
  • Feeling resentful or burned out.
  • Apologizing for existing.
  • Feeling responsible for fixing others’ moods.

Learning your assertive rights helps you reclaim emotional safety.
It reinforces boundaries and builds self-trust—two essential ingredients for trauma recovery.

DBT and the Balance of Connection

In DBT, assertiveness lives within the Interpersonal Effectiveness module—alongside skills like DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST:

  • DEAR MAN helps you ask for what you need clearly.
  • GIVE helps you maintain relationships with gentleness and respect.
  • FAST helps you maintain self-respect by holding boundaries.

Together, these skills teach us to express needs without losing connection.
Assertiveness becomes a bridge—not a wall.

Healing Through Assertiveness

“I didn’t know I was allowed to do that.”

That’s what many people say the first time they practice assertiveness.
Many Deaf, Coda, or trauma-impacted individuals have learned to adapt by staying small.
Reclaiming your assertive rights is how you begin to expand again—to live fully, feel deeply, and communicate clearly.

You’re not being selfish when you say no.
You’re being honest.
You’re practicing self-respect.
You’re modeling healthy communication for others who never saw it growing up.

Try This

Print the Assertive Rights Handout and circle the three rights you struggle to believe the most.
Then, for one week, practice affirming them out loud:

“I have the right to say no without guilt.”
“I have the right to make mistakes.”
“I have the right to take up space.”

Notice how your body responds—the tension, the release, the freedom.
That’s your nervous system learning safety.

Closing Thought

Being assertive is not about control—it’s about authentic connection.
It’s the space between silence and shouting, between compliance and defiance.
It’s where self-respect and compassion meet.

You deserve that space.
You’ve always had these rights—now you simply get to use them.

Continue the Work

At The Space Between, we help clients and professionals strengthen communication, self-respect, and boundaries through trauma-informed DBT skills and Deaf-centric care.

Download the Assertive Rights Handout (PDF)
or join one of our DBT and Interpersonal Effectiveness groups designed for Deaf, Coda, and hearing participants who want to build healthier relationships with themselves and others.

To learn more or register, visit space-between.online or email info@space-between.online.

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