The Power of Validation: How to Strengthen Relationships Through Emotional Understanding

In any relationship—whether with a partner, child, friend, or colleague—one of the most powerful ways to foster trust and connection is through validation. Validation means recognizing and affirming another person’s emotional experience, helping them feel seen, heard, and understood.

Unfortunately, many people were not taught how to validate emotions. Instead, the instinct is to fix, dismiss, or challenge feelings, thinking that logic or problem-solving is the best approach. However, when someone is struggling, what they usually need is not a solution but rather to feel that their emotions are valid.

This article will break down the importance of validation, common mistakes to avoid, and simple steps to practice effective validation in everyday life.

What Is Validation? (And What It’s Not)

Validation means acknowledging someone’s emotional experience without judgment or the need to change it.

It is not about agreeing with them, fixing their problem, or proving who is “right” or “wrong.” Instead, it is about communicating that their feelings make sense in the context of their experience.

Common Misconceptions About Validation

• Validation does not mean agreement. You can validate someone’s emotions without agreeing with their perspective. For example:
  • “I can see why you feel hurt by what I said,” rather than “I didn’t mean to upset you, so you shouldn’t feel that way.”
• Validation is not the time to make your own point. The focus should be on the other person’s emotions, not defending yourself or proving a point.
• Validation is not about logic or reality-checking. Telling someone, “That’s not what really happened,” shuts down emotional expression rather than fostering understanding.
• Validation is not explaining, advising, or justifying. Avoid jumping into fix-it mode or defending your behavior when someone shares their feelings.
• Avoid the word “but.” Using “but” often negates validation. Instead, try using “because” or “I can see why” to show understanding.

Why Validation Matters

Validation is a crucial component of emotional well-being, trust-building, and effective communication.

• It allows people to process emotions rather than suppress them.
• It helps others feel safe, understood, and valued.
• It reduces defensiveness and fosters deeper connection.

When people feel validated, they are more likely to move through their emotions in a healthy way. They do not have to “prove” their feelings—they simply feel heard.

How to Validate Someone’s Feelings in Three Steps

Validation does not have to be complicated. Follow these simple steps to improve communication and strengthen relationships.

Step 1: Identify and Acknowledge Their Emotion

The first step in validation is recognizing what the person is feeling and acknowledging it without judgment.

Examples:

• “I can see why you’re feeling frustrated right now.”
• “It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed.”
• “Of course, you’re feeling hurt after what happened.”

This shows that you accept their emotions as real and important.

Step 2: Give Three Reasons Why Their Feelings Make Sense

To deepen validation, provide specific reasons why their emotions are understandable. This reinforces that you truly see and hear them.

• “It makes sense that you’re upset because you have been working long hours, because you haven’t felt appreciated, and because deadlines have been piling up.”
• “I can see why you feel lonely in our relationship because we have not spent much time together, because I have been distracted lately, and because you do not feel like I am fully present.”
• “Of course, you’re feeling stressed about school because you have a lot of homework, because you’re struggling to make friends, and because you do not like your teacher’s teaching style.”

Taking the extra step to offer three validating reasons makes the person feel truly understood.

Step 3: Resist the Urge to Fix, Correct, or Defend

This step is crucial. Avoid trying to change how they feel or insert your own perspective. Instead, just let the validation sit.

What not to say:

• “I see you’re upset, but it’s not that big of a deal.”
• “I understand you’re stressed, but you should just be grateful for what you have.”
• “I get why you’re mad, but I did not mean it that way.”

What to say instead:

• “That sounds really hard. I am here for you.”
• “It makes total sense that you feel that way.”
• “I hear you, and I appreciate you sharing that with me.”

Simply holding space for emotions allows them to be processed, rather than dismissed.

Real-Life Examples of Validation

Example 1: A Partner Expressing Work Stress

Invalidating response:

• “It is just work. Everyone has to deal with stress—just push through it.”

Validating response:

• “Of course, you are feeling stressed because you have been putting in long hours, because you have not felt appreciated, and because you are under pressure to meet deadlines.”

Example 2: A Child Struggling with School

Invalidating response:

• “You will be fine—just try harder and make some friends.”

Validating response:

• “It makes sense that school feels overwhelming because you are struggling to make friends, because you do not like your teacher, and because there is a lot of work to keep up with.”

Example 3: A Friend Feeling Misunderstood

Invalidating response:

Validating response:

• “I can see why you feel misunderstood because you have been trying to explain how you feel, because I have not fully understood, and because I tend to give advice instead of just listening.”

Final Thoughts

Validation is a simple but powerful tool for strengthening relationships. When people feel heard and understood, they become less defensive, more open to communication, and more emotionally secure.

By practicing validation, you can transform the way you connect with others—whether it is with your partner, child, friend, or even in professional settings.

The next time someone shares their emotions with you, remember: pause, listen, and validate.